186. The Twelve Topsy-Turvy Very Messy Days of Christmas

The Twelve Topsy-Turvy, Very Messy Days of Christmas. James Patterson and Tad Safran. 2022. 288 pages. [Source: Library]

First sentence: What is the worst present you ever received for Christmas? A pair of socks? A pair of scratchy socks? A pair of scratchy socks in a vile color? A pair of scratchy socks in a disgusting color that rub your big toes every step you take? A pair of coarse socks in a foul color that rub your big toes and you're forced to wear them because your grandmother gave them to you and she's coming to stay? That's pretty bad. But for Will and Ella Sullivan, the worst thing they ever got for Christmas was a dead mother.

Premise/plot: Kate Sullivan was dead, to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. Since this one is being marketed as "the next Christmas Carol" and an "instant classic" that will become a "must read for every holiday season," I thought it only fitting to introduce it properly. So it's been three--or so--years since she's died. The husband, Henry, has NOT gotten over it. He's been a total and complete wreck ever since. And Will and Ella, well, they've had to mainly raise themselves because of Henry's absent-while-present parenting style. But this Christmas, they are determined to find their dad a new wife. If he is happy then maybe Christmas can be Christmas again. So they write a dating profile for their dad...and begin corresponding with a "Ms. Truelove." The results...well...not quite what anyone expected.

It starts with a partridge in a pear tree. Literally. But it isn't until the FIVE GOLDEN RINGS are delivered to their doorstep that the family realizes with ever-growing DOOM AND GLOOM that things are about to get so much worse.

Essentially the premise is simple: the TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS literally being delivered to one family's house for the twelve days leading up to Christmas. Just take a minute or two to imagine that...

The book is about how the family reacts to these "gifts" from a "true love." Just WHO IS THIS TRUE LOVE????? And what is the motivation behind these "gifts" that feel like a curse.

My thoughts: I liked this one. I loved some chapters. I didn't quite love other chapters. It was definitely entertaining--for the most part. It is 100% premise-driven. Not many characters are fleshed out. There are plenty of comical scenes.

But for me, personally, this was no Christmas Carol.

 

 

 

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