How To Find What You're Not Looking For. Veera Hiranandani. 2021. [September] 384 pages. [Source: Library]
First sentence: How to be the lazy one. It's harder than you think. First, lie on your messy bed wearing your Wonder Woman
pajamas that are too small because you’ve had them since you were nine.
Then, watch your older sister, Leah, pin up her hair for dance class.
She sits in her black leotard at the small white vanity, her back
straight as a board, a magazine cutout of Paul Newman taped to the
corner of her mirror. She uses at least fifteen bobby pins for her bun.
Count in your head while she sticks the pins in. One,
two, three. She’s rushing because she has to be on the #4 bus by 9:00
a.m. for pointe class at Madame Duchon’s Dance Academy. She dances there
every day except Sunday. You’re not even sure how she spends so much
time at dance and still does well in school. Leah seems to do well at everything. Not
you. You’re the lazy one. You’re just trying to keep up, but along with
all the other things Leah does, she helps you keep up.
Premise/plot: Ariel Goldberg stars in Veera Hiranandani's How To Find What You're Not Looking For. The theme of 'how-to' continues beyond the title. Each chapter begins with a 'how-to' title. The first chapter being titled, "How to Be the Lazy One." The book is written in second person present tense, to "you." Ariel and Leah are sisters, and perhaps surprisingly close considering the seven years age difference. But when Leah falls in love with an Indian boy--as opposed to a JEWISH boy--bonds of all sorts are tested.
The novel is set circa 1967/68. It focuses on home and school, and all the DRAMA that occurs.
My thoughts: I really loved, loved, loved this one. Despite the second person present tense! I thought the characterization was great--very lovely. I thought the details were good. It was well-paced; it kept me reading. I love the writing. Very quotable. I also love the fact that writing poetry helps Ariel make sense of life.
One of Ariel's poems:
The Ways of the World
The world has many ways
of spinning.
Many I don’t understand.
But love
is not that hard
to understand.
Doesn’t it just spin one way,
one person toward another,
without stopping?
Quotes:
Keeping a secret is not your favorite thing to do.
Secrets make your stomach hurt. You can count on one hand the secrets
you’ve kept. You once took a report card out of the mailbox and hid it
in your schoolbag for a week. But you got caught. Sometimes when you
hang out with your friend Jane, you make it seem like you have other
friends. But you don’t. Occasionally you steal cookies from Gertie’s and
keep them in a coffee can in your room. You’ve never had to keep a
really big secret before, and certainly not forever.
Leah’s
cheeks get blotchy, and her eyes start to fill again with tears. “Oh
please,” she says. “I have to tell someone, and I need it to be you.” Leah
saying she needs you—is there anything more special than that? Maybe if
you know her secret, some of her specialness will spill over onto you.
She bites her lip and grabs your hand.
You read the title on the album: Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely
Hearts Club Band. You wonder what it means. Were the Beatles changing
their name? Your hands feel sticky with ice cream. You press your thumb
and forefinger together, and they stay stuck that way.
“I’m just so happy. I don’t want anything to ruin it. I feel guilty about being so happy.”
“Why would you feel guilty about being happy?” you ask.
“Because there’s so much wrong with the world,” she says and starts walking again.
There
is, according to the newspapers. But you look around your town. You see
someone driving by in a blue Chevy convertible. You see people walking
down the block in sunglasses, sipping soda pop, riding their bikes,
happy to be out on such a nice Saturday. This world seems okay.
“Do
you know what happened at Rocky’s last week? A guy came in and heard
Raj talking. Then he asked John, the manager, why he had foreigners
working there and not Americans. He asked Raj if he was here legally.
Raj said he was a US citizen, and the fellow demanded to see proof and
wouldn’t leave! John had to threaten to call the cops until he finally
left.”
“Gosh, that’s terrible,” you say. Now she’s walking so quickly, you can barely keep up.
“But our love is stronger than the racist establishment.”
“ ‘The racist establishment,’ ” you say, trying out her words.
How’s my muffin?” he asks.
“I’m all right,” you say and stuff the rest of the bread in your mouth. “Same as always.”
Daddy nods. “Me too, Muffin,” he says. “Same old, same old.”
This
is what you and Daddy always say to each other after school. And every
day, you know that you are not the same and neither is he. When you and
Ma get back to the apartment, you go into your bedroom and take a sniff
of the Chanel No. 5 perfume on the dresser, a sixteenth birthday gift
that Ma gave Leah. The apartment used to smell of it when Leah was still
here, along with her Breck shampoo, but you didn’t notice until she was
gone and the smell faded away.
A little part of
you still hopes you’ll find her sitting on her yellow-and-white
bedspread, playing the Beatles or the Rolling Stones. Or maybe even the
Doors real quiet because Ma hates the Doors.
Ma does get headaches a lot. She calls them migraines and says she even sees flashes of color before they start. That sounds sort of magical to you rather than painful, but Ma sure does seem like she’s in a lot of pain when she gets them. Since Leah left, it’s been happening more often.
“Sorry, I mean your mom,” you say.
“It’s
all right,” she says and is quiet for another few seconds. “He left my
mom when he found out she was pregnant. They weren’t even married. And
he never came back. My mom always tells people he’s dead.”
Now it’s your turn to be quiet.
“I was always afraid to ask. I didn’t mean to make you sad,” you say after a moment.
Jane
shakes her head. “It’s okay. I don’t think about it that much. I never
knew him, but I also don’t think my mom would care if I married someone
Jewish. I guess most people aren’t like Peggy, though.”
Suddenly you feel the shape of your friendship with Jane changing, in a good way, like chocolate chips melting into a cookie as it bakes.“The words I wrote might mean something different to you.”
Miss Field sits back in her chair and crosses her arms.
“They might,” she says.
“I don’t want them to. I want them to mean to you exactly what they mean to me.”
“That
makes sense,” she says and pauses for a moment. “But that’s art, Ariel.
It’s your gift to the world. People will see what they need to see.
Sometimes it will mean to them exactly what it meant to you. Those
people are your soul mates.”
© 2021 Becky Laney of Becky's Book Reviews