William Shakespeare's Taming of the Clueless. Ian Doescher. 2020. [April] 192 pages. [Source: Library]
First sentence:
Jane: Cher--handsome, clever, rich--who had a home
Most comfortable, a happy disposition,
Seem'd to unite, wherever she did roam,
The blessings of existence's condition.
Premise/plot: Ian Doescher has adapted the movie Clueless for his Pop Shakespeare series. It is adaptation of an adaption. In the afterword, he noted that he read Emma and watched Clueless before beginning his work. He also noted that he thinks that the plot of Clueless comes closest to something William Shakespeare would have written--in comparison with the other titles he's written/adapted.
So if you've seen the movie Clueless, you know the premise and plot of this one. Balthasar appears throughout singing the movie's soundtrack!
Behold, beyond the window,
'neath the sky,
The rushing carriages do pass thee by,
Whilst I do sit, to loneliness resign'd,
And ponder wherefore questions fill
my mind.
'Tis Friday night! I feel the soothing
heat
And search this filthy city for a beat--
Downtown, the young ones go,
hey nonny non,
Downtown, the young ones grow,
hey nonny hey!
We are the children of America,
The children we of new America.
and
Where didst thou go? Where didst thou go?
Mine emptiness doth grow.
Where didst thou go? Where didst thou go?
I'm lost, and fain would know.
You can expect to find all the most memorable, iconic lines from the movie...
DIONNE: Didst see? Thou pass'd a sign that bid thee stop--
'Twas large and red, octagonally shap'd--
Yet thou drove on like thou wert being chas'd.
CHER: A pause complete I register'd therein.
TRAVIS
—Unexpected!
No speech prepar’d I for this honor.
These few words, though, I’d gladly utter:
The tardy life’s the work of many—
My tardiness by many people
Created was. Yea, I am grateful
Unto my parents, ne’er rides giving,
The drivers of the L. A. buses
Who took a chance upon an unknown.
Last—not the least—the wonderful crew
At old McDonalds Inn, that spendeth
Their hours at cooking Egg McMuffins,
Sans which I never might be tardy.
CHER
Full well I know th’exhaustion of thy heart.
Still, though, I’ll warrant sport shall do us good—
Of late my body feels most heiferlike,
All weight and hips and udders ev’rywhere,
Like I had stomachs four that I must fill.
Today I had two bowls of Special K,
Three pieces of delightful turkey bacon,
A full hand’s worth of popp’d corn most delicious,
Five peanut butter M and Ms—
CHER
Though I’d not be a traitor to my age,
No turncoat to my generation bold—
I do confess confusion and dismay.
The way lads dress is nothing short of odd,
As if they fell, like apples, from their beds,
Adorn’d themselves in poorly fitting pants—
More like broad bags than pantaloons, in troth—
Then cover greasy hair with filthy caps,
Which they wear backward and proclaim it style.
In public they appear array’d as such,
And should we women swoon to see them so?
Nay, I think not, and never shall be sway’d!
To search for lads in high school is a quest
As useless as the hunt for meaning in
The dramas of the actor Pauly Shore—
The nation’s jester: a most dull fool he,
And none but libertines delight in him.
CHER
Eureka, I have fall’n in love with Josh!
Josh, he whom I have known since I was small,
Who tickles me and jabs me when nearby,
Who gives me cause to smile when I am sad,
Whose presence is a comfort in itself,
Who help’d me learn to drive my carriage well,
Whom I do dearly love to torment so,
Who, all these years, hath been a friend to me—
By heaven, it is he I love, none other!
Completely, totally, and majorly
My heart doth move toward him utterly!
My thoughts: I thought this was a super-fun read. It was fun, silly, enjoyable. A great way to spend a weekend.
© 2021 Becky Laney of Becky's Book Reviews
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